Finding Forgiveness
The pain inflicted in her exterior is visible in every square, circle or triangle mirror she passes by.
Shiny crystallized eyes reflect suffering far beyond her years.
Pig tails, school books, Disney movies and Barbies accompany her
But
Eyes corrupted with things she should not have seen.
At the small age of seven she could have told you what the male genital looked like.
Mind corrupted by a man.
She could have told you how heavy a grown male, 5’6 to be exact, felt on top of a lifeless body tired of
kicking.
Waiting for the rescue that never came.
She could have told you that muffled screams did not stop him.
At the innocent age of seven there is nothing child-like about her.
No matter how much bubble gum body wash was used,
Her body stayed dirty in the places he touched her.
Ears scarred by the words he forced down as he belittled her heart, body and mind.
Repeated enough she believed it
“I’ll kill you if you tell.”
Every night after the first time she felt his breathe curl down her neck she’s been terrified of consented
kissing and touching reaching her inner soul.
Hands like wrinkly raisins prove the many tears she’s tried to catch and force back into
an overflowed soul by dark waters and images that cloud her.
Attack her.
She could have told you how many nightmare-filled nights she’s spent crying till sleep overtook.
Surrounded by the fear someone will open her bedroom door again.
Calloused feet from trying to outrun his hungry hands
till that time he succeeded in grabbing her while an oblivious mother was busy pushing a shopping cart,
somewhere else away from her.
Every night since the first time he forced her onto a bed she’s been terrified of willingly laying her
unprotected body next to a loving man.
Every night since the first time he forced his member onto her child-like existence she’s never
been capable of letting a man near the passage to her soul and innocence.
Every night since the first time she was berated, abused, molested and under validated she has
questioned her own worth.
Worthy of taking part in a fairytale romance.
Important enough to be caressed by soft silk hands.
Every day and every night after today I have decided to step out of the life consuming dark shadow he
has caused.
my life, dreams and my happiness will be lit up to show me the way.
Love myself, and be loved, like I’ve never been broken.
This blood and life pumping muscle is a reminder of what I survived,
I could have been raped.
I could have killed myself.
I could have been dead.
But
I have forgiven myself for the endless times the finger was pointed at me
Instead, I have forgiven him to find peace and unity within me every day from now on since today.